FIC: Firsts

Title: Firsts
Author: Gypsy_Ophelia
Rated: Hard R
Pairing: Kris/Adam
Word Count: 4,600

1. Please note that this is purely fiction and none the contents are real except for all or some of the characters used in this story.
2. Most characters used are based on real people but the details within do not purposely imply occurrences in real life; thus, anything here that concurs with real events may be completely coincidental.
3. This is created based solely on the imagination of the author and for non-profitable purpose.

Notes/Summary: So here’s my take on a Kradam High School AU! For idol_lurker (who bribed me to write it with a generous donation to Donor’s Choose!) Thanks to aki_hoshi for being my trusty beta!



“I’m officially going on record now,” Kris muttered, tucking his legs up under his chin. “That this is a bad idea.”

“You worry too much,” Adam said easily, making a face at Kris’s reflection in the mirror. Kris watched, frowning, as Adam dragged the black eyeliner slowly across the rim of his lower lid.

“You worry too little. There are like, a billion things that could go wrong here.”

“A billion, huh?” Adam started working on the other eye, smirking.

“What if my mom comes to check on us or something? What do I tell her? Or if your mom calls and wants to talk to you?”

“It’s almost 11pm, you know my mom isn’t going to call this late. And your mom has never come up to “check on us” when I spent the night, not since we were like, seven. That’s stupid.“

“Well your fake I.D.’s stupid.” Kris countered. “It’s the fakest fake I.D. I’ve ever seen! Some big thug bouncer or whatever is going to look at it and laugh and then call the cops!”

“And how many fake IDs have you seen, exactly?” Adam asked sweetly, smudging the liner with the tip of one finger.

Kris grumbled something unintelligible, because okay, point.

“You’re going to get abducted and raped and murdered by some scary creep,” he tried finally, as Adam smoothed on clear lip gloss with a hint of sparkle.

“Kris, I’m six feet tall. Some of us actually had a growth spurt last year, remember?”

“Asshole.” Kris lay back and turned into his pillow, not especially wanting to look at Adam any more. Big, stupid Adam, dressed in the flashy, skintight clothes he had brought hidden in his book bag, his dyed black hair wild and perfect, his face masked in “clubbing” make-up. Kris closed his eyes and thought about how much he missed the old Adam, chubby and freckled and red-haired, and not half a foot taller than Kris.

Kris felt the mattress dip with Adam’s weight, but he didn’t turn to face him.

“Kris? You’re not really mad, are you?” And then Adam’s large, warm hand was on his shoulder, rubbing tentative, small circles over the fabric of his cotton t-shirt. “Don’t be mad.” Adam tugged him over, and Kris went willingly enough, shifting to look up into Adam’s sweet, earnest blue eyes. They hadn’t changed at least, despite the dark liner and glittery shadow that framed them.

“Kris, I’m a senior, and I’ve never even kissed a boy, much less…done anything else. I’m not going to graduate high school only having made out with a girl. I want to, you know, experience stuff.”

“But why does it have to be with strangers at some club?” Kris muttered, not looking at Adam. He was picking at a loose thread on the quilt his grandmother had made for his sixteenth birthday, worrying it with his fingers as he worried his lower lip between his teeth. “You really want to, like, do stuff with some guy you don’t even know?”

Adam was quiet for a minute, and then Kris felt him slide off the bed. “You know I’m the only guy at school who’s out. So how am I going to meet anyone if it’s not somebody older? Hell, you’re the only guy in the whole school who still even wants to be friends with me, and that’s just because we’ve been friends since we were little. Other guys don’t even want to be seen talking to me in the halls, you know that. They’re afraid people will think they’re gay too or something.” Adam paused, and Kris finally sat up to look at him. “I’m surprised they haven’t started ragging on you about me, now that you and Katy broke up.”

“Some of them do,” Kris said without thinking, and instantly regretted it when he saw Adam’s face. “But I don’t care!” He added quickly. “They’re just jerks! And I’m not still friends with you only because we’ve been friends since forever. You’re my best friend, Adam.”

“Yeah,” Adam muttered, looking away as he slipped on his leather jacket. “I know. But I need…I need more than that too, you know? What you had with Katy…I’ve never had any of that. And I want it. I mean, I know the type of guys who will be at a dance club probably aren’t going to want to, like, date me, but…”

“I never had sex with Katy,” Kris muttered, ducking his head and feeling his cheeks turn hot. “You know we never did anything but make out. And you’ve done that too.”

“With a girl,” Adam repeated, pausing to frown at Kris as he pried open the first floor window. “Do I really need to explain to you why that’s not the same for me?”

Kris shrugged miserably as Adam hoisted himself up onto the ledge, slipping through the open window and onto the grass. Adam poked his head back in with a small, nervous grin. “Don’t wait up!”

And then he was gone, and it was too late for Kris to say STAY, and get your first real kiss from ME.


Kris lay back down against his pillow, his eyes fixing moodily on a framed photograph on the dresser. It was taken the day he and Adam went ice skating for the first time, with Adam’s parents and his brother Neil. In the picture Kris was ten and Adam was eleven, still a shy, freckly, chubby red-head in a tacky winter coat, his arm slung around Kris’s shoulders. But that had been a long time ago.

It was hard to believe how much had changed in the past year, now that the boys were both driving, and Adam was looking at theater programs at nearby colleges. Over the summer Adam had grown five inches and stopped eating pretty much everything good, and the weight had just melted off him. And then came the week before school started (Kris’s junior year and Adam’s senior) when Adam had shown up at Kris’s house with dyed black hair and black nails and lined eyes, his head held high and kind of haughty, but his mouth trembling a little as he waited for Kris’s response. A few days later he had come out to his parents and then later that same night to Kris, as they sat on the bench under the Maple tree in Kris’s back yard watching fireflies. Kris could still picture the fervent shine in Adam’s eyes when he said that he wasn’t going to hide anything any more, that he was going to spend his senior year being whoever and whatever he wanted to be. And when school started the following Monday Adam had stalked through the halls like a fierce, swaggering panther, just daring anyone to fuck with him.

Which they did, of course, but Adam’s imposing height and spiky black leather persona discouraged some ridicule, as did his quick wit and the almost flawless I don’t give a fuck mask he wore daily in the high school hallways.

Kris knew better though, knew that inside the new Adam was the same sensitive, creative boy who had taught Kris how to make daisy chain necklaces when they were five and six, and who had cried over a dead squirrel (victim of a neighborhood cat) when they were nine and ten.

Things had been a little strained between them in the first weeks after Adam’s outer transformation, and Kris knew (and hated) that Adam had assumed the weirdness was due to Adam’s sexuality.

In reality, hearing Adam say the word “gay” had sent Kris floundering into his own more vague, confusing period of self-discovery, and forced him into a period of deep introspection. He had been dating Katy for almost a year when Adam sat across from him beneath the maple tree and made determined, but anxious eye contact, and told Kris that he liked guys. And that—hearing Adam actually say it—made Kris’s own hidden feelings about boys (or more specifically, one boy) harder to ignore.

Kris had never felt as close to Katy as he did to Adam, had never actually craved closeness with her the way he did after even a day without seeing his best friend. And that intense attachment he had always felt for Adam had only grown stronger with the onset of puberty, accompanied suddenly with secretive, shameful thoughts and impulses Kris had struggled to suppress for years.

So Kris went a few days without talking to anyone, even Adam, and then the Sunday after school started he broke up with Katy during a church picnic. They had stayed friends, and Katy was now dating a teammate of Kris’s on the baseball team.

But that had been almost eight months ago and Kris had not yet said a word to Adam about his feelings for him, or about the fact that he was almost completely sure he was gay too. They had been neighbors and best friends their entire lives, and Kris knew Adam probably thought of him as no more than a brother. And even if Adam did want Kris the thought of walking through school holding Adam’s hand was as terrifying as it was thrilling. Kris just wasn’t sure that he could be as brave as Adam, as fearless under the scrutiny of his family, classmates and church.

So now, because Kris was a coward, Adam was off kissing and probably having amazing sex with strangers. Kris closed his eyes and tried not to think of Adam having sex, his shapely, ridiculously long legs wrapped around some Brad Pitt look-alike’s waist.

Adam had said not to wait up and the last thing Kris wanted was to feel more pathetic, so he went into the adjoining bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face, changing into pajama bottoms and a sleeveless white tank top. He took out his contacts and slipped on his glasses, pausing to stare at himself in the mirror for a long moment. Kris frowned as his gaze slid over his own bespectacled, tiny frame.

“He wouldn’t want you any way,” Kris mumbled at his own reflection, and then instantly winced at how much he was acting like a character in an angsty-teen-movie.

Kris sighed and went back into his empty bedroom, his eyes falling immediately on the empty Super Mario Brothers sleeping bag which only left Kris’s closet on the nights when Adam slept over. It barely reached up to his midsection now and Adam always looked hilarious sticking halfway out of it, grumbling on the floor about how Kris should trade with him since he was practically a midget, until Kris threw a pillow at him.

Kris kicked despondently at the empty sleeping bag before going over to the window to make sure that it was still unlocked. The last thing he needed was for Adam to get stuck outside and wake everyone up sneaking back in.

It had started to rain softly, and Kris rolled his eyes. Great. So now someone else was having sex with Adam and there would probably be muddy boot prints on the carpet to explain to his mom.

Kris went back into the bathroom to get a towel, spreading it under the window before turning off the overhead light. After considering for a moment he left the bathroom door open and the light on, slipping into bed and turning away from the fluorescent glare.

* * *

When Kris awoke to the sound of Adam struggling through the window, it was accompanied by the hum of pouring rain. Kris sat up quickly, blinking sleepily in the low light.

“Take your boots off,” he mumbled, rubbing his eyes. “Mama will kill us both if you get mud on the carpet.”

Adam didn’t answer, but Kris could see the outline of his long form bending to obey, and even through bleary eyes Kris could see that Adam’s shoulders were shaking.

“Adam?” He said quickly, slipping out of bed and suddenly very awake. “You okay?”

Adam nodded but he wasn’t looking at Kris, ducking his head when Kris switched on the bedside lamp.

“You’re soaked!” Kris exclaimed, taking in Adam’s sodden jeans and hair, his probably ruined jacket and the mascara smeared down his face.

Adam still didn’t answer but he was trying weakly to fight his way out of the drenched leather jacket, and Kris hurried to help him, tugging at the bottom and pulling at a hard angle. When they finally got the jacket off Adam’s v-neck cotton shirt was maybe half on, and Kris yanked at that too, pulling it over Adam’s dripping head.

Adam sucked his stomach in immediately, his midsection still a touch soft despite how skinny he had gotten in the past year. He was pale and literally covered with freckles, just as he had been when they were toddlers playing in Kris’s inflatable wading pool.

Adam would not look at Kris. “I um…I’m going to change and stuff.”

Kris nodded, biting down a little on his lower lip. He wanted to ask Adam if he was okay, but for some reason the words wouldn’t come.

He watched as Adam picked up his book bag and went quickly into the bathroom, getting one good glimpse of Adam’s bare back and the back of his tight, dripping jeans in the fluorescent light before Adam shut the door.

Kris sat miserably on the bed and waited, listening to Adam brush his teeth and trying really hard not to think about what taste he might be washing out of his mouth.

When Adam came out of the bathroom he was still shirtless, wearing just a pair of thin cotton sleep pants that looked at least a size too big for him. They hung low on his hips, the outline of his large, soft penis clear in the threadbare cotton.

“I um, didn’t bring an extra t-shirt,” Adam said softly, staring down at the floor. “I was just going to sleep in the one I was already wearing. Can I borrow something?”

Kris nodded quickly, starting distractedly in the direction of the closet. He liked baggy clothes and had plenty of shirts that were too big for him. Kris paused where Adam was standing framed in the bright fluorescent bathroom light, peering at him more closely. Adam had scrubbed off all of his makeup and the running mascara was gone from his cheeks, but his eyes were red rimmed and puffy from crying.

“Adam?” Kris said softly, “Adam, what happened?”

Adam ducked his head then, embarrassed and shifting away from him, but Kris caught his arm firmly and pulled him back into the center of the room. He switched off his bedside lamp and pulled Adam down to sit beside him on the mattress, not letting go of his wrist.

“Adam,” Kris said again, trying to steel himself. “Did someone hurt you?”

Adam shook his head and brushed an angry arm over his eyes, his voice shaky with hurt and forced bravado. “No one fucking tried to rape me, Kris, this isn’t an after-school special.”

Kris blinked at that, but he refused to let go of Adam’s arm, squeezing it reassuringly instead. “So what did happen?” he asked softly.

Adam sniffed and looked away, and even in the low light Kris saw a glimmer of fresh tears in his eyelashes.

“Hey,” Kris said softly, and without really thinking about it he pulled Adam down with him towards the pillows, curling up carefully against Adam’s broad, exposed back. “Hey, it’s okay.”

Adam was resistant at first, body tense and rigid, but after a few moments of Kris wrapped stubbornly around his back like a nesting squirrel he finally gave up, relaxing his shoulders slightly. Kris wrapped his arms around the trembling, chill-bumped flesh of Adam’s waist and just hung on, burrowing his face into the crook between Adam’s neck and shoulder. It was crazy how good, how natural it felt to hold him.

“What happened?” Kris asked again, gently, and Adam took a deep, shuddery breath.

“I got in the club okay, and I…danced a little. It was really crazy, just seeing men dance with other men like that. And then this one guy started dancing with me, and he was really cute, grinding up against me and stuff, kissing my neck.”

Kris bit down on his own lip miserably at the image, squeezing his eyes shut as he breathed in the scent of rain on Adam’s skin.

“We didn’t talk much, he didn’t even tell me his name or want to know mine. He asked why he hadn’t seen me there before and when I said it was my first time he said he wanted to show me the back room.” Adam was quiet for a minute. “I guess I thought he would, like, want to kiss me and stuff first, but as soon as we got back there he just pushed me against the wall and started running his hands all over me, and he said he could tell I wasn’t really twenty-one but he didn’t care. And then he just sort of shoved me down really hard on my knees and started unzipping.”

“Jesus,” Kris breathed, horrified. “What did you do?”

“Nothing,” Adam said miserably. “Just stared at his dick like an idiot. I mean, I wanted to, sort of. But it was all just happening so fast and then he got pissed at me for not starting right away, and I guess I froze up. I mean, I’ve seen porn and stuff so I kind of knew what to do, but it was just all so fast, you know?”

“Yeah,” Kris said quickly, embarrassed at the relief he could instantly hear in his own voice. “Of course, yeah. What did you…what happened then?”

Adam’s voice was very small when he answered. “He told me to get the fuck out and come back when I knew how to suck cock. And…after I got toned up at a gym and did something about my skin.”

“That asshole!” Kris exclaimed, releasing Adam to sit up furiously. He clambered gracelessly over his friend’s long legs until they were lying face to face. “Adam, he was just trying to hurt your feelings!”

Adam gave Kris a weak, wavering smile, shrugging a little. “I mean, he’s right, though. I do need to lose more weight, and my skin's awful. Make-up only hides so much. It just… kind of sucked that he didn’t even think I was worth kissing, you know? I mean, how ugly do you have to be for some drunk guy to not even want to kiss you?”

“You’re not ugly!” Kris almost felt like crying himself. “I don’t care about your skin and you don’t need to lose any more weight. You’re amazing, Adam! You’ve always been amazing. That guy was just a jerk!” Kris tugged at Adam’s shoulder, forcing him to face him. “Will you…can I kiss you?”

The look of hurt and shame that filled Adam’s eyes then was instant and horrible, his whole face crumpling and then tightening with anger. “I don’t want your fucking pity, Kris.” He seethed. “The last thing I need is for my cute-as-a-fucking-button little straight friend to—“

“But I’m not!” Kris rushed, desperate to make him understand, and then instantly squeezed his eyes shut. “Not straight.”

Adam was stunned and silent beside him, and Kris forced himself to continue. “That’s why I broke up with Katy. And I wanted to tell you, and to tell you how I feel about you, but I was scared about telling other people and scared you wouldn’t want me and that things would be weird between us. So I just didn’t say anything. But that’s why I hated the idea of you going out to meet guys, because I was afraid I had missed my chance.” Kris sucked in air, his heart beating so fast he thought he might be moments away from a stroke. “And I mean, I don’t know if you could ever think of me like that. But I really, really want to kiss you. I think about it pretty much all the time.”

The silence stretched between them endless and thick, Adam just gaping at him, until finally Kris socked him a shade too hard in the shoulder. “Say something, Adam!
I don’t even care what, just…you’re killing me here!”

Adam met his eyes fully then, for the first time since he had slipped back in from the rain. “Kris, I’ve always thought of you that way, for as long as I can remember. You’re…a big part of what made me know I liked boys. Because it was always you I thought about, never any girl. Just you.”

“Yeah?” Kris clutched hard at Adam’s bare, freckled shoulder. “Just me?”

“Just you,” Adam said softly, before his face broke into an easy, teasing grin. “Well, you and Leonardo DiCaprio.”

Kris laughed then, shaking his head and shoving Adam, before Adam scooped Kris up in his arms and hugged him against his chest. Kris’s laugh ended in a sudden, hitched breath.

“Do you really want to kiss me?” Adam asked slowly, his eyes open and shiny and so blue. “Can I kiss you, Kris?”

Kris nodded eagerly but couldn’t speak, his lips parting as his pulse quickened. He licked them eagerly, watching Adam’s eyes darken as his breath blew over Kris’s moistened lips in soft little warm puffs.

When he felt the first gentle, slow press of Adam’s mouth Kris closed his eyes and clutched Adam's shoulders tighter, one hand sliding up his broad neck to pet vaguely at the tendrils of dark hair beside his ear. Adam’s mouth was large and warm and soft, kneading tenderly at Kris’s eager lips, as his hands settled on Kris’s narrow waist and squeezed. The kiss was chaste and almost comforting at first, slow and day-dreamy, and then Adam parted his lips and the tip of his hot tongue slid sinuously along Kris’s bottom lip. Kris moaned softly and parted his mouth, one hand clenching in Adam’s thick, damp hair, the other pulling him closer. And then Adam’s warm tongue was in his mouth and Kris instinctively sucked on it, and Adam groaned and flipped Kris over onto his back, pressing him against the mattress as he licked repeatedly into Kris’s mouth, along his tongue and everywhere, exploring. Kris made a small, choked sound and Adam chuckled and pulled back a little, placing tiny, affectionate kisses in airy rows over Kris’s parted lips.

Kris pushed up on his elbow to deepen the kiss again, reaching to lock his arms around Adam’s waist and pull him closer. His hand brushed over the slight curve of Adam’s belly and Adam sucked in his stomach quickly, shifting away from Kris’s fingers.

Kris felt a rush of rage at that nameless man, angry that someone who didn’t appreciate Adam, how amazing he was inside and out, had gotten to touch him. “Hey,” he said softly, shifting closer again. “Let me.”

Adam stiffened beneath his fingers but his breath quickened when Kris’s trembling palms slid over the stiff peaks of his nipples. Kris spent several minutes just exploring Adam's wide, strong chest, his long waist and slender hips, the gentle softness of his stomach. Finally, he pressed a tender kiss onto the warm flesh above Adam’s breastbone, the quick flutter of his heartbeat strong against Kris’s lips.

“You’re gorgeous,” Kris said softly, looping an arm around Adam’s warm neck to pull him in for a deep, emphatic kiss. Adam kissed back desperately, and Kris could feel him pressed huge and hard against his thigh. Without thinking he slid one hand down to run over the hard outline in the tented cotton of Adam’s sleep pants, and Adam groaned loudly and starting kissing Kris deeper. He shifted so that he was rubbing against Kris’s erection, and Kris whimpered at the delicious friction and tried to pull Adam’s thrusting hips down harder.

Then Adam’s hand was on him, cupping him through his flannel pajamas, large and warm like the rest of the body pressing him effortlessly down into the mattress. Kris pushed his face against Adam’s hot neck as he felt Adam’s hand explore him through the layer of thin cotton, wonderingly and achingly gentle.

“I’m not…as big as you,” Kris whispered self-consciously, glad that Adam couldn’t see his face, and embarrassed that he was already leaking so much a damp patch was forming in the fabric.

“You’re perfect and beautiful,” Adam said fervently, his thumb rubbing the moist flannel over Kris’s leaking head in little circles. “I love your size, love everything about you. You’re so beautiful, Kris.”

Kris felt his blush deepen, both because Adam’s hand was sliding up to run along and just inside the fabric of his waist band, and because boys weren’t supposed to be beautiful. But then Adam gently cupped Kris’s face with his free hand and forced Kris to meet his gaze, his eyes hot and bright and insistent that he meant it.

They kissed again, long, desperate kisses, as Adam’s hand rested on the hard, hot plane of Kris’s narrow stomach, just beneath the waistband of his sleep pants. Kris struggled out of his shirt and Adam made a small, approving sound, and then their bare torsos were pressed together flesh to flesh.

“Is this okay?” Adam pulled back to mouth small wet circles along Kris’s throat, his fingertips slipping down to tease just above the base of Kris’s jutting cock.

Kris’s brain had kind of short-circuited by this point and he just nodded breathlessly, mouth hanging open with something like awe as Adam’s strong, long fingers closed around him for the first time.

Adam made a breathy little gasp against Kris’s ear as he touched bare, damp skin, beginning to rut almost unconsciously against Kris’s inner thigh as he stroked him eagerly in his fist.

Kris moaned and slipped a hand down inside Adam’s loose pants to feel the urgent slide of his slick, thrusting cock, his other hand gripping the curve of Adam’s ass to pull him down harder and quicker against his own thigh.

It was feverish and frantic and over embarrassingly quick, and after-wards they sprawled panting and gasping in each-others arms, messy with come and sweat.

Kris recovered first and he tugged insistently on Adam's shoulder until Adam raised up to kiss him back. But what Adam seemed to want most was just to hug him, snuggling close with strands of his damp black hair sticking to Kris’s moist chest.

Kris plunged his fingers in to rub against Adam’s scalp, and Adam made a soft, happy little humming sound.

“I’m glad you didn’t do anything with that guy,” Kris said after a minute, and Adam shifted to look up at him with sweet, earnest blue eyes.

“Me too.”

“This way,” Kris said softly, “Maybe all our firsts can be together.”

Adam smiled and traced the tiny scar on the underside of Kris’s jaw, a souvenir of the day Kris’s father had tried to teach them both how to ride bikes without training wheels.

“They always have been,” Adam said gently, and pressed a soft kiss to that spot.